So today is my 20th birthday...

I've been alive for 2 decades and that is somewhat overwhelming. I've spent a lot of time thinking back on my life today, how I came to be where I am, and where I'll be 10 years from now.

I was born in France, when I was 3 1/2 I came to America. I was so innocent and sheltered, but not from the bad things around me like many children are. I was sheltered from American culture and a lot of it was partly my own fault. I grew up in a very ethnic school and in an ethnic community and that sheltered me from the American Dream.

By my freshman year of high school I had no desire to go to college, or make anything of myself. All around me were friends that marveled when they got a 2.0 GPA.

Then came my sophomore year when everything in my life changed. It still brings me to tears when I think about it. God, the creator of the universe, called me out. He singled me out from so many people and called me His child. He showed me what my life was and He showed me what it could be if I followed Him.

It scares me to think what I would have been without Him, but here I am, with Him in my life guiding me as much as I allow. 20 years and I've grown as a person every step of the way, but none of it mattered until He came in my life.

Life amazes me, I know that no matter what I do I will never be satisfied, no human ever is. So is what I do all in vain?

Lately I've been thinking about what God's name for me is, i.e. who He has called me to be. I still haven't pin pointed it and I really want to figure it out. When I was first called out by God I believed I would change the world. Not in the "make a difference by helping a starving child" kind of way, but to really change the average person in a way that has never been done before.

I still want to change the world.

but I don't know how. 20 years of my life have passed and there's still so much more I want to know. Life is hard, but I have hope.


I know one day, all our scars will disappear, like the stars at dawn,
And all of our pain, will fade away when morning comes.
And on that day when we look backwards we will see, that everything is changed
And all of our trials, will be as milestones on the way.

Thrice puts my feelings into words so nicely. What is a trial now, will be like nothing to me in the future, it will just be an experience that makes me more and more like Him.

Here's to more good years that make me into that person that will change this world